The Upside of Conflict

The Upside of Conflict 

This is post #6 in my blog series called “Uncovering Our Blind Spots in Life and Business.” By reflecting on my own experiences, my goal is to help you uncover aspects of your personality, behavior, emotions, and intellect that harbor unconscious biases that obstruct your perspectives or influence how you see yourself and others. You can read past articles here.

As a young adult, I would characterize my personality as shy and introverted. I loved staying in the background — and still do at times. This also fueled my inability to speak up for myself or anyone else. 

I was a conflict-avoidant person who evaded arguments or tense situations at all costs. I never felt I possessed the right verbiage to stand my ground or make a strong point. In actuality, I was using my character trait of shyness as a cover-up for a blind spot that I didn’t want to accept. 

Well, that all changed in my 20s. I shared a comment with a close friend about someone we mutually knew, and my friend wouldn’t let it go. He said I needed to confront the person because what they shared with me was a lie, and I needed to set the record straight. 

I pleaded with my friend. I told him it wasn’t a big deal and to let it go. He told me it was a problem because of people like me who avoided conflict and allowed the tolerance of wrongdoing to exist and flourish. He taught me that the other side of conflict can actually be positive if you’re bringing a resolution to a situation and settling matters for the good. 

To be fully transparent, I did not confront the person that day, but the conversation with my friend did impact me. I did not want to be that person anymore. And I resolved that if I was aware of a matter that seemed skeptical or inaccurate, I would speak up. 

It was a hard lesson for me to learn but I put it into practice in my personal and professional life. I remember being in a meeting of over 50 leaders in an organization, and I was one of the youngest members in the group. I wanted to voice my opinion but I was very nervous — I was literally shaking in my pants before I stood up to speak. It took me several minutes (which seemed like an eternity) to garner enough strength to say something. But once I got that off my chest, I learned that the fear was all in my head, and no harm became me.  

Now, I have adopted the position of addressing conflict head-on, and I’m very comfortable with challenging the status quo and standing up when I believe things are misrepresented. 

My advice to you: There is a slang term used by some that says, “Grow some balls.” This  means to be brave, aggressive, strong, dominant, and in simple terms, to be what society perceives as more “manly.” It is a crude term and not exactly what we should do to resolve conflicts.

Instead, we should desire to see situations resolved in a peaceful and fruitful manner — in a way that brings opposing parties together rather than keep them apart. I highly recommend a few books that can be used as tools to learn good conflict-resolution skills. They are: 

• “The Power of Positive Confrontation: The Skills You Need to Know to Handle Conflicts at Work, at Home and in Life by Barbara Pachter”; 
• Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton”; and
• “Conflict Resolution: Solving Your People Problems by June Hunt” 

Please learn from my blind spot of conflict avoidance and look for opportunities to bring about resolutions to your issues, both in business and your personal life.   

Your thoughts and comments on this blog are welcomed and desired. If you feel the content of this blog is valuable, please share it with your friends and network. With Gratitude!

• WES

We don’t see what we don’t see! We don’t know what we don’t know! Therefore, we cannot change the things in our lives that could propel us to the next level!