My Big Reveal After 25 Years of Marriage

My wife and I have been married now for over 40 years. The year after we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary we were about to get a divorce. In our 26th year of marriage, it all came to a head. We worked together at the same company during the day and were very cordial at work, but in the evenings when we came home, we were living separate lives and barely speaking to each other. We slept in separate bedrooms while our daughter was away at college, but if she came home for a weekend stay, we would sleep in the same bedroom at night. It was horrible living and nearly separated us for life.

It took this level of damage to our marriage for me to look introspectively at myself and identify a blind spot that I justified for years that was causing my wife to hate me—and rightfully so. At work and in the public eye, I was one of the nicest and easiest-going people you could come in contact with. What I realized is that there was even an associate at work who I really didn’t care for. But that person would have never known it from our interactions. I was always willing to assist and coordinate with them regarding most matters.

For years, I felt it was necessary to carry on this persona in public, but I could “release” and be the “real me” once I got home. The “real me” meant if I didn’t like something I would say it without holding back any thought or consideration of how I said it to my wife. I didn’t have to put on an air at home of being nice if I wasn’t feeling it. My wife would often say, “You don’t speak to other people the way you speak to me.” Although I knew she was right, I ignored it because, at home, I was “King” and could do as I pleased.

Once I realized the “real me” was destroying our marriage and I was the cause, I knew I needed to change. In tears, I apologized to my wife for the years of disrespect I caused her and agreed to begin showing unconditional love to the person whom I loved and who was closest to me. It took time for her to trust that I was for real and not just playing a role. I agreed to getting outside help, which she said I needed all along, but I denied because I thought nothing was wrong with me. But I finally realized that I needed it to save our marriage.